Elle: I was mopping the floor yesterday and, as the floorboards emerged from the grime, I finally lost it. Excuse the mess (sheepish grin). Yes, it’s not in the best state (disapproving look). Well, if I had a clean house, I wouldn’t have to hire YOU (clearly defensive).
I know I’m not the only woman out there who feels like they need to keep the chaos and filth in their house to a manageable level. What worries me is that I’ve started having imaginary conversations with a non-existent cleaner…
Sasha: You should be worried. Your imaginary friend is a cleaner. Do you realise what a loser that makes you sound? Get a cleaner… a real one.
E: Harsh but fair. I’m just not sure that running around in a guilty fit cleaning before a cleaner gets here is going to be useful.
S: No, but it is an interesting concept. I could tell myself I’m going to get a cleaner and see if it makes me clean the house. Could be a whole new phase in my house-wifely career… wouldn’t help the writing though.
E: And that’s the point. We have to outsource the cleaning (and anything else we can think of) so we can get more time to write! I’m game if you are, and it’s not like I’m a cleaner-virgin. I think the last one took offence at the “housework makes you ugly” sign on the kitchen wall…
S: Then I probably should take down my “Dull women have immaculate houses” fridge-magnet.
E: I might make up a new fridge magnet: “My imaginary friend is a cleaner”.
S: I don’t think fridge magnets count as creative writing…
So, not only am I talking to imaginary cleaners, I’m also talking to myself. But had to put a P.S. on the cleaning saga – because I did it. I actually hired a cleaner today. And it hasn’t hurt a bit…so far. They start next week, so I’m reserving my judgement ’til then.
Did I mention I cleaned the house before they came to give me a quote? I’m going to have to work on that one.