Moving out…

My ‘baby’ has left home. Well, she’s 20, but these days that’s pretty amazing! I can see the change in her already. I remember leaving home and those first tentative steps towards being ‘grown up’. The fear and the delicious sense of freedom. I’m so excited for her!

I also feel a tiny bit of sadness. Even with four other kids still at home, there’s a gap in the house just about her size…

We’ve brought our kids up to be independent – to get out on their own, be their own person, pay their own bills… But there’s been times we’ve really believed none of them would ever leave. After all, it’s not exactly uncommon these days for ‘kids’ to stay at home until they’re into their third decade and more.

I have a niece and nephew who both lived at home well into their 30s – and whose spouses moved in with them after the wedding. Actually, they still haven’t really left home.

As parents, we’re so busy making excuses for our kids and being ‘understanding’. Rents are too high, everything’s too expensive, it’s just too hard. Well, back in the day when most self-respecting kids were out of home at 16 or 17, it wasn’t exactly easy either. But it was easier than living by mum and dad’s rules.

Why would kids leave home now? They have all the comforts they’ve come to expect - they get fed and cleaned up after, rent’s cheap (if it exists at all), they can come and go as they please (because they’re grown up, apparently), and they’re usually allowed to have their girlfriend or boyfriend sleep over (or move in!). (Trust me, it’s no different in our house!)

My stepson said he watched a TV program that urged kids to stay at home longer and save money so they could buy a house. So he’s decided that’s a great idea. I’ve got a better idea – why don’t kids leave home so their parents can pay off their own mortgage?

Don’t get me wrong… we adore our kids. We have a great relationship, they talk to us about everything (there are some things we’d rather not know!!), they all get on with each other. But it’s because we love them that we encourage them to leave.

There are some things more important than money, owning your own home, having everything you want when you want it. There are things like independence – and making sacrifices to get it. Doing it tough and gaining a sense of self. And learning that things that come easy aren’t usually valued as highly.

So I’m proud of my girl. And I’m glad she’s got friends who want to be independent too. I know it’s not going to be easy for her, but she knows she has family backing her up all the way. And a few siblings eager to follow in her footsteps…

I can see EB and me rattlin’ round in this big ol’ house sooner than we expected

Elle

But my mobile phone was out of credit…

I’m always amazed by those adorable, on-the-ball toddlers who save their critically ill parent by dialling 000 and telling the ambulance how to get to their house. Stories like those never fail to bring a tear to my eye. Mainly because none of those kids live in my house.

We’ve tried to teach our bunch emergency response plans over the years, but honestly… they can be stuck somewhere late at night, their mobile phone is out of credit, and they can’t call us. Apparently.

Try a public phone, I say. Or call us before you leave work so we can meet you somewhere.

Oh, we didn’t think of that.

Before you think I’m a parent with my head in the sand (she says, draining some gritty stuff out of her ears) I have to say our kids tell us way more than we need to know about their lives. You know that stuff about not wanting to know what your parents got up to? It works both ways.

This isn’t about covering their tracks so much as not knowing what to do when things don’t go to plan…

Which brings me back to mobile phones.

Our policy has always been that we won’t buy our kids a mobile phone – or credit. Even if other parents do it for their kids (which, of course, they regularly point out to us). Even if we want them to be able to call us when they really need to.

Even if they lose their $200 mobile phone a week after they buy it with their birthday money. We call that a cheap lesson (more about that another time).

I don’t question the fact that we all want our kids to be as safe as possible, and we see a mobile phone as one way to achieve that. What I do question is whether we’re fooling ourselves (or they’re fooling us) just a tiny bit.

 

The fact is, you can buy them all the credit you like, but the rate kids txt msg these days, they’d probably be out of credit when they need it most.

What did we do before mobile phones? How did we survive, get out of trouble, find our way home?

We had to do more planning before we went anywhere – like how were we getting home, did we need a lift, would there be buses, did we have change for a phone or money for a taxi?

All of us girls knew our killer heels were more than just a fashion item – and that a swift kick in the right spot could make a bloke crumple at the knees.

Maybe it’s time we let our kids know it’s a jungle out there and how to deal with it. After all, there isn’t always mobile phone reception.

Elle.